GETTING CLEAR

Join me on my journey towards ILLUMINATION.  I will be reporting my thoughts, my growth, and my altered thinking...I'll be sharing the growth I am experiencing.....comparing my thoughts from the journey to an earlier time.




 

Whenever I have down time, I go "inside" myself.  Growing up as a single child, rewarded me with a heightened level of creativity.  My mind becomes my active playground.  I love to watch people. Their funny quirks, the way they gesture, and what my "sense" is of them and the situation.  Often times, I allow an observation to link me back to a memory; therefore, a new thought process.


I'm sitting in a small diner.  I spy a mother and her daughter arrive and sit in the booth in front of me.  Without realizing, I am making a value judgment on the mother.  Her daughter takes off a new backpack to place next to her.  The name JULIE blazes across the back.  Evidently, the mother doesn't understand this was a most unwise decision to personalize the bag.  TMI for pedophiles.


Mom orders pie and coffee; Julie orders a hamburger.  I would judge Julie to be 10-ish in age.
What unfolds next, causes me to say yes to another coffee refill...and, then another.  I sit transfixed.  I observe something which indeeds links me back to a memory.


Although the mother speaks gently to Julie, she serves up instructions:  cut the burger in half, use your napkin, you need less ketchup, use your napkin, next time tell them you don't want lettuce, use your napkin, etc.  Julie can't even enjoy her burger with all the instructions given to her.


Isn't this what you do to me?

Aren't you always telling me how to cut and eat my life?

You want the gift of SAM....but, this gift can only be in a certain shaped box, with a certain colored wrapping paper, and a certain style of bow on it. 

If I give you the gift of myself, exactly as your instructions state, am I really sharing SAM?  Or, your version of SAM? 

I spent so much time following your instructions, that I lost track of me.

A PAINFUL MEMORY REVISITED.

Some days, it's harder to remember that I make a difference at my job.

Yesterday was one of those days. 

Over a year ago, we had a 2 month old who was DOA from home.

Let's call him Toby. His mother was having a hard time sleeping, so she placed a pacifier in Toby's little mouth, and taped it onto his face. As irrational as this seems, I believe she did this so he wouldn't "lose" the pacifer, and wake up. She could get through a night without his waking and crying. with Toby's continual sucking on the pacifier, the tape became wet and soggy.

It migrated to his nose and covered it.  so, toby had no way to breathe. as shocking as this story is...the outcome of her case was even more shocking to me. she received 2 to 6 years for this crime. Verdict finally handed down yesterday.